Music In Weddings - The Dilemma of the Bridal Entrance

Out of all the aspects of planning my own wedding, the one I've found trickiest so far is choosing the music. Music is an integral part of almost all weddings, and can be broken down into four 'acts': pre-ceremony, the bridal entrance, signing the register, and the exit of the wedding party. That's not to mention any music you might want during the reception. Most couples will have songs that have a special meaning to their relationship, or will share similar musical tastes. Mr Moosh and I, however, whilst very clear on what we don't want, have nothing to offer instead!

The bridal entrance being the most high profile section of the ceremony, the music used during this time receives the most attention from your guests and is therefore a piece that couples spend a lot of time choosing. For many years, the most popular piece has been the Bridal Chorus from Wagner's Lohengrin, incorrectly called "here comes the bride" by many. This piece is most fitting when played on a church organ, but it is important to check with your church if they allow the music, because Wagner was a notorious anti-semite and his Bridal Chorus has been banned from some churches. Pachelbel's Canon in D is also popular, as is Clarke's Prince Of Denmark's March, which was used during the wedding of the late Princess Diana. What these pieces all have in common is that they're classical music and, whilst appropriate for a very traditional or church wedding, are much less fitting for the modern, relaxed, civil ceremony Mr Moosh and I are having. Civil ceremonies also come with their own set of rules, which strictly ban any music that mentions religion. Obviously, this means hymns are a no go, but couples may be suprised to learn that modern songs such as Robbie Williams' Angels or Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer are also out. Any music chosen must be vetted by the registrar before the ceremony. Popular modern bridal entrance songs for civil ceremonies include versions of Over The Rainbow and Enya's Only Time. More couples are also choosing music from film soundtracks to accompany their wedding. Whatever music you chooses, make sure you time a 'practice run' down the aisle and edit the music length accordingly. There are few things more awkward than getting to the top of the aisle and then staring at the floor for a few minutes whilst the music finishes! 

My own dilemma with wedding music stems not only from rarely listening to music and therefore not having many favourite pieces (and none of them are suitable for a wedding anyway), but also from my wider misgivings about the bridal entrance itself. I am already highly uncomfortable with the idea that our guests - all 25 of them - will be staring at me when I walk in, and I don't want music that draws attention to me. I've toyed with the idea of abandoning the entrance altogether but, since the standard civil ceremony is quite short, and given that I want it to have a definite 'start' and 'end', I'm stuck with it. I'm also frustrated that, whilst music is something that makes other people feel a huge variety of emotions, I can't find any that does the same for me. It's unsurprising, then, that Mr Moosh and I have chosen not to have a 'first dance' or any music during the wedding reception. We have, at least, made a decision about the music for our exit at the end of the wedding ceremony. We chose Happy Together by The Turtles, which has the laid back, upbeat feel we'd like on the day. Now if only I could find something similar for the start of the ceremony, then it would all be sorted!

Some Unusual Finds - Why You Should Cast A Wide Net When Shopping for Wedding Decorations

One of the traps people fall into when planning their wedding is thinking everything should be sourced from wedding-specific suppliers. This will firstly lead to spending more money than necessary - a 'love' sign from a high street shop still says love, but will be a lot cheaper than the one from an online wedding store. It will also mean you miss out on potentially finding those little quirky bits and pieces that add such a personal touch to your big day decorations. 

When you pick up a wedding magazine, the first thing that will happen is a load of inserts fall out and land on your feet. These brochures will often be for companies promising a 'one stop shop' for wedding decorations and accessories - place cards, table confetti, bunting etc etc. There's nothing wrong with these companies, but the lure of getting everything from one place means you will pay a premium on the price. It also means your wedding decorations will need to fit with the ranges they have on offer - the silver range, the purple range etc. If you want a more 'eclectic' feel to your day, or simply if your colours are not available, then these decoration sets are unlikely to prove useful. 

When thinking about your wedding decorations, it helps to cast a wide net and source individual pieces from a variety of places. Not only will this mean you can shop around for the best deal, but it also means you're more likely to find things meaningful to you and the look you're going for. It's also good to have an open mind on where decorations can come from. For example, you can find a huge variety of tea light holders in home furnishing shops. They might not have been designed specifically for weddings, but if they're the style you want then it doesn't matter. 

Whilst doing some shopping today, I popped into Paperchase to look at the pretty displays and found they stock a range of wedding supplies, from cup cake cases to place cards to confettti:  http://www.paperchase.co.uk/collections/wedding/icat/oewedding/. I also stopped off at Next, and saw that their home department had a huge variety of 'inspired by vintage' accessories that could be used to decorate a wedding. 

I found this wooden 'love' sign for £5.

I also got two of these very sturdy glass tea light holders at £3 each.

As you can probably tell, there's nowhere suitable in my flat to take pictures, so I resorted to using a cushion as a backdrop! I will be using both these pieces to style my wedding, most probably as decorations for the cake table. Next is not a shop many people would consider when choosing their wedding decorations, but the selection of accessories they had proves that you can find pretty things in the most unusual of places if you're willing to look hard enough.

The Do's and Don'ts of Bridesmaids

If you follow me on Twitter ( @StrawbSoufWed), you might have caught a few frustrated tweets over the Easter weekend, when I received an email from my last bridesmaid to say she was quitting. This was the woman who I'd been friends with for fourteen years, and now she wanted nothing more to do with me because we differed in our ideas of what made a good wedding. Despite sending several lengthy emails back, I never did get to the bottom of what was going on, but the stark fact was that both the people I'd originally picked to be my bridesmaids had now thrown in the towel, leaving me with a wedding party of exactly 0. 

I'll admit I found the experience rather hurtful. It's not pleasant to be told you don't merit support and companionship on your wedding day. I'm lucky to have a great relationship with my mum, and I know she will help me a lot on the wedding morning, but it would have been lovely to have my friend there too - not only to crack a joke and ease my nerves, but because I wanted to share the most special day of my life with her. The events of the past weekend got me thinking, though, about how we brides go about choosing our bridesmaids, and what the bridesmaid role itself entails. 

Traditionally, bridesmaids were needed to confuse evil spirits who might wish to curse or hurt the bride on the wedding day. This led to them wearing white so that the spirits might mistake one of them for the bride. They were usually chosen from unwed women of a marriageable age. The size of the wedding party would be carefully calculated to show off the family's wealth and status. Nowadays, of course, the bride can choose whomever she wants, but will usually pick her close friends, sisters, or future sisters-in-law. 

Besides the straightforward business of actually attending the wedding, what duties are bridesmaids expected to perform? Contrary to popular belief, there is no right or wrong answer to this question, and the role of the bridesmaid is as unique as the wedding she is a part of. However, the responsibilities of the role, and especially the associated costs, are the most common bone of contention amongst modern brides and their bridesmaids. At the most basic level, bridesmaids will need to support the bride on the wedding day, from helping her get ready in the morning to holding all those layers of wedding dress when she uses the loo, but beyond this the term "support" can mean all manner of things. It's no wonder that some bridesmaids approach the role with an aura of trepidation (we've all seen photos of truly hideous bridesmaids dresses), or decline the invitation altogether. 

In terms of what bridesmaids might be asked to wear, there is a lot more choice available now, which should banish fears of that maroon monstrosity that haunts most girls' nightmares. The Dessy Group, for example, have bridesmaid dresses in every colour and style imaginable. High street stores such as Monsson, Coast, or Next have great selections of formal gowns. The new service from Maids to Measure even lets your bridesmaids design their own dress! Even with all these options, you still might be presented with a dress that makes you cringe, and the following advice could be helpful. If the bride herself is paying for the bridesmaid dresses, it is courteous to just grin and bear the dress you're given, and remember that you can put her in something horrible at your own wedding. If the bride has asked you to pay for your own dress, however, you should be given more say in what you wear. It's still polite to try and find some common ground - perhaps the length of the dress could be changed, or the shade of colour altered a little. Most brides will appreciate if you voice your concerns in advance rather than refusing to wear the dress on the day itself, but ultimately you need to remember that the happiness of your friend or sister on her wedding day is more important than your opinion of a dress you'll only wear once.

Brides need to remember that the cost of some bridesmaid dress can run into the hundreds of pounds, and that not all of your bridesmaids will be able to afford this expense. It is possible to find some great budget-friendly dresses on the high street or via websites such as Girls of Elegance. An alternative might be to pick a colour palette and then ask your bridesmaids to choose their own dresses, allowing them to find styles and prices that suit. You could also consider splitting the cost of the dress, or paying for other things such as shoes or jewelry. Ultimately it's worth asking yourself if that £300 dress is more important than having your best friends with you on the day. 

Another cause of arguments between brides and bridesmaids are the number of pre-wedding events the bridesmaid might be asked to attend. Along with the hen night, there can be bridal dress shopping, spa days, rehearsal dinners, and general get-togethers or parties. Whilst these can undoubtedly be fun, the cost of attending can really pile up, especially if your bridesmaids live far away from the venue or are attending multiple weddings in the same year. Before organising such events, the bride should ask herself if she could afford to go were she to swop places with her maids. If your answer begins with "ummm", it's best to keep the pre-wedding events to a minimum. If your bridesmaids are planning your hen night, it's a good idea to tell them the sort of thing you would or wouldn't enjoy to avoid nasty surprises, and don't expect them to automatically book a lavish weekend in a different country.

I've read some interesting guides to picking your bridesmaids, where the bridesmaids' duties on the wedding day itself run for pages and pages. The main thing to remember about your wedding day is that, whilst your bridesmaids will want to help you, they are not your staff. Anyone invited to a wedding - including bridesmaids - will want to enjoy themselves, and they shouldn't keep having to check that things are running smoothly. If you really need someone to make sure the caterer has arrived or that the DJ plays your favourite song, it's a good idea to hire a wedding planner or co-ordinator for the day. If a bridesmaid offers to help by baking your wedding cake or making place cards, let her do so - it's her way of showing she cares, and will give a wonderful, personal touch to the decorations. Don't, however, give your maids huge tasks such as "find a photographer" - they won't know where to begin or what you would want, and will end up confused and resentful. 

On the other hand, a good bridesmaid will know to help the bride with her make-up or with getting into her dress on the morning, and know when to provide the friendly hug to allay those pre-wedding nerves. They'll know not to get drunk, or try and pull the best man. They'll understand that this is your wedding, not theirs, and you are allowed to make the day look and feel the way you want. They can be relied on to smile at all the right times, and to even give a reading during the ceremony. A good bridesmaid then, on your wedding day, is like a good friend during any other day; trustworthy and dependable. 

Weddings can sadly bring out the worst in people, and friendship-ending disagreements between bride and bridesmaid are more common that you might think. The secret to getting the best out of the relationship really comes down to compromise. Every bride will have things that are non-negotiable, but also things which are not so important. A bridesmaid disliking the length of her dress, for example, is a very different problem from one trying to change the whole style of your wedding. Picking the right people is obviously important, and most arguments can be solved with tact and a cup of tea, but some bridesmaids will turn out to be so unreliable that you'd be better off losing them altogether. As you can tell from the post above, there's no easy or firm guide to choosing bridesmaids or being one. The best way to handle the role is to, unlike my own bridesmaids, behave like an adult!

The National Wedding Show - Birmingham NEC - 17th March

I'm going to put aside my 'wedding planner hat' for a little while and just speak as a bride-to-be. Planning your wedding should be, and often is, a fun thing to do. Despite the inevitable stress and nerves, I think most people look back with a certain fondness on how they managed to make their wedding reflect the peculiar bunch of qualities they have as a couple. Since Mr Moosh and I got engaged, I've been having a great time searching through the huge range of things on offer in the wedding industry to make sure we have the wedding we want (Mr Moosh doesn't like wedding planning so it's all down to me). This is what inspired me to finally take the plunge and start my own business so that I could help other couples do the same. One thing I've not been enjoying, however, in any way at all, is finding my wedding dress.

When I first got engaged, the last 'fair' type thing I'd been to was the BBC's 'Big Bash' in 1996, so I was curious to try at least one wedding fair before I got married. I chose the National Wedding Show because I thought I'd come away with so many ideas and things sorted that there'd be no need to go to another fair. Since then, I've been to a handful of local wedding fairs in Bristol, and particularly enjoyed the ones that had a vintage theme, but I booked tickets for the National Wedding Show anyway to enjoy a day out with my Mum and bridesmaid. I'd heard that there would be a large selection of wedding dresses to try on, and this was one thing I was particularly keen to see.

I came away from the National Wedding Show not brimming with ideas, but rather disappointed. Actually, not just rather disappointed, but very unhappy. That's a much better reflection of the emotions I went through when I'd found not one single wedding dress in my size. I hold my hands up - I'm a size 16 (UK) and not pretty. I don't expect there to be hundreds of things especially for me. On the other hand, it's not just film stars who get married. On the dress stands where they were having a sale I can understand there being a limited range - that's all they have left - but on the stands where bridal boutiques were showing their range of dresses, why not have copies of each dress in several sizes? Why was everything size 10 or 12? Don't they want to appeal to as many customers as possible? As I watched other women walk out of the various changing rooms and be admired by their friends and family, I was left feeling like I wasn't being allowed to get married. It's stupid really - it's just a dress - but choosing your wedding dress is meant to be a nice thing, not something that makes you wish you could get married in your pyjamas.

Aside from dresses, the selection of suppliers at the National Wedding Show was rather odd. There were an unusual number of stands dedicated to getting married in other countries. It's lovely if you want to get married abroad, but I'm probably right in saying that most brides at the show would be marrying here in the UK, and would prefer a few more UK suppliers. There was only one florist, tucked away in a corner. The cake makers we spoke to all did their usual thing of not wanting to deal with so many allergies. There was meant to be a special 'vintage area', but this turned out to be a little cafe where you could get tea and cake, and a tiny handful of stands where people had the word 'vintage' in their name. My Mum, bridesmaid, and I found the fashion show rather amusing, especially the part where a hapless male model had to dress up as a mythical faun 'Pan the piper' (at least that's what we thought it was alluding to). The popular blog, Rock My Wedding, were there, but the feedback from the microphone was so bad we couldn't hear what the poor lady was saying. Looking back on the day, the only highlights were finding the stand dedicated to getting married in Cornwall (we're getting married in Cornwall so this was relevant), and bumping into IDo Wedding Videographers who are based here in Bristol and who are a really lovely bunch and well worth checking out. 

So a word of advice: as with most things, it's better to go local when looking at wedding fairs. Oddly, you're more likely to gain inspiration from a smaller, local fair than something the size of The National Wedding Show. After all, if you can talk to a local florist and see the flowers they could provide, you can narrow down what you want because you can ponder whether that particular florist can do your wedding. If the only suppliers you can talk to are ones that cover parts of the country you don't live in, then it's much harder to think things through. Also, if you're not a size 10/12, don't bother going to the national show, because they won't have any dresses for you and it's not much fun being made to feel like an outcast. As for my own dress, the option of turning up in my pyjamas is looking more and more inviting.